Tuesday, April 12, 2005

R is for residue

finally, after days & weeks of no blogging… i return. please forgive my absence. unfortunately, i’m thinking that my entries will continue to be few and far between for awhile. so, don’t say i didn’t warn you.

i’ve been doing a lot of “soul searching” lately. and it’s a damn shame that i haven’t been writng out my thoughts over the last couple weeks. not that any of my thoughts would be enlightening or helpful to any one else…in fact, they could’ve been harmful. but sometimes you just need to write/type/scream things out so that you can breathe. unfortunately, i don’t really feel like writing about any of that out right now. i’d rather type out the randomness.

I love great solo jams on my acoustic... had one of those on Sunday.
I love it when I see an 80 year old man holding open the door for his bride of 50 years.
i love the sound of wind. i love rainstorms. I love thunder.
I love lemonade stands. I love hearing from old friends. I love stories from grandparents. I love listening to music full blast. man, the stuff life is made of. anyway, could go on forever so I’ll just stop.

have you ever got into the habit of playing the same song on a cd over and over again? i do that a lot. but, you know, i got to thinking that playing the same song over and over again can be a dangerous thing. yes, i may love the song i’m listening to and want to put it on eternal repeat… but… what if the 10th song is even more amazing??? so, i take the stereo off repeat and take a leap of faith… believe that this cd has more to offer. the next song just might be the most beautiful music i’ll ever hear – a life-changing ballad or something. you just don’t know what you’re missing when you refuse to move on. the 10th “song” could be mind-blowing… take a risk… let go.

new topic: what are the things in this life that are worth fighting for? what do you want to earn in this life? what’s most important to you? these are questions that i’ve been thinking about over the last couple weeks. reading brandon’s blog entry ‘Life As We Know It’ corresponds with these things. (see http://www.marshillproject.com/the_mars_hill_project/2005/04/life_as_we_know.html) what stuck out to me the most in his entry was the statement “…I can’t help but wonder about the residue my life will leave on this planet.” Residue. yup… that’s what it’s all about… the residue trail you leave behind you. as many of you know, Rebecca & i recently moved. a couple neighbors have introduced themselves… but only a couple. as far as the kids in this neighborhood go, they’re all quite friendly and more children have stopped by to say hello than adults. kids are very intuitive and many times wiser than adults may be aware. after all, kids DO “say the darndest things”. some of those darn things are words of wisdom… s o m e. anyway, i’ve being thinking about the residue stuff… thinking about what/who i want to be. do you think that kids might be able to pick up on your residue trail quicker than most adults? i say that in the hopes that it might be true. why? well, several days ago, Rebecca & i were cleaning up the front yard a bit when one of the kids cried out to me from his yard asking if i wanted to play “hide and seek”. i felt like a million bucks at that moment… it’s not very often in one’s adult life that an offer comes to play “hide and seek”. i feel silly writing this now… but i’ll say it anyway… i was humbled. his offer to play a game meant that i had left residue somewhere along the way. it was one of the coolest moments i’ve had in a while.
all we have is our residue… without love we are nothing. when i go to the grocery store, i hope the clerk behind the counter hopes i come through his/her line again. it’s the simple things like that that i hope for most in my life. that’s what matters. offers to “hide and seek”… for a moment there, i felt like i was closer to the person i want to be… the person i want to be remembered as… the residue i want to leave behind.

If you can look into the seeds of time,
and say which grain will
grow and which will not
speak then to me.
-William Shakespeare


Anonymous said...

WOW! That was great! I am not sure I have all the words right now that can express the way that made me feel. I can only hope to have left more good seeds then bad. Keep being Kristin.

Love Cyndi

Anonymous said...

Residue...you couldn't have used a more fitting word. And yes, I think kids are definitely more perceptive of it than adults or perhaps more responsive. I think the older we get the less residue we leave. Kids are forever leaving remnants of themselves with whomever they come in contact. They're not afraid of being themselves, being silly, or being friendly. This is why we love them so much. They always leave you with something to remember them by. Gradually, as kids grow and become adults, they become consumed with responsibilities and life in general, and they pattern the behavior of us mature adults who have mastered the art of subduing our child-like selves. Maybe this is one of the reasons why God has told us to be like children, so we can be more effective at leaving our positive residue on the world. Gosh, Kristin, look what your thoughts have done to me...sorry I went on so much! :) -Rebecca